another update

I know, I am so terrible at this keeping a blog thing. But I am trying. So here's my update for the past couple of days. I went for a looooooong walk around Reid park on Friday night with my girl, her friend and her friend's mother, who is becoming a friend. I really like her a lot too, even though we are so very different. For one thing, she is Christian and very religious and I am Muslim and very religious. For some reason though, I feel very comfortable with her. I guess it shouldn't be so much of a surprise considering we are both Black women from the East Coast. Another thing is that she is probably ten years older than I am and she is not a step parent, but I think because she grew up with a step mother, she seems to have some sort of understanding about our situation. Anyway, back to the workout. We walked probably about 3 or 4 miles. I am convinced of it. My body was telling me that we walked ten miles, but realistically I think less than 4. I am trying to find information for the park that says how may miles are around the track so I can be more accurate. I was in so much pain the next day from that walk, so now I am convinced that when hubby and I walk, we are not walking as far as we thought, cause I never felt that much pain after our walks. Time to step it up I guess. So, we made plans to do this every Friday or at least once a week. I hope we stick to it, because it was nice to walk with the girls.
Today, Sunday, I got my "vacation", so I am fatigued. But since I can't sleep I decided to do a workout since my pain kept me from doing anything on Saturday. It sucked. My knee hurts so much still from Friday, but I pushed through it. I am really going to try to stay more focused because my walking buddy really noticed my weight loss and it is nice to know that others can tell. Ultimately I am doing this for myself, but it is always nice to have the compliments. Okay, off to bed. I'm beat! Du'as please.

update

Ok, so I didn't workout yesterday but I did workout the day before. I did the Turbo Jam Cardio Party 1 and also Ab Jam. It sucked, again. But I felt good afterward and that is what is important to me. I will be working out again this evening, inshaAllah and will update after. Du'as please.

Hurt

I am feeling a little on the frustrated side this evening. I really hate finding out bad things that happen to my little girl. As hard as I think I am with her, I have so much love in my heart for her that it makes me physically ill to think that she is hurting or embarrassed about something, or having a bad day, or anything like that. That being said, most moms can just say something or do something or make decisions that will keep their child from harm of any kind. But I can't do that; because I'm just the step-mom. And because the birth mom is one of the people causing harm to my child. How do I protect her from that? How do I give her a sense of security when no matter what happens in life, that is her mom and she will always gravitate to her. Which is natural. And that is my sorrow. That no matter how much this woman hurts this girl, no matter how many times she calls her ugly (or insinuate that she is ugly), no matter how many times she flips out on her, no matter how many times she tells this child that she wishes she had a different daughter, no matter what, she will always love her mom. Which she should. She should love her mom, I just wish that her mom would love her too. And if she truly does the way she claims and the way it is assumed, then she really should stop mentally abusing this girl. One of the worst parts about this situation: I cannot do anything about it. I will just look like the jealous evil step mom. How sad. :( Du'as please.
P.S. I didn't workout tonight. I am too tired and frustrated and I think I will just go to bed.

2nd update

Oh yeah, I did my workout last night and was pretty good about how much I ate. I did The Firm: Ultimate Calorie Blaster and it kicked my butt. Wow, I cannot wait until I really start to see the results. I can honestly say that right now, I feel really good. With the weight that I have lost already, I see changes. People may not really be able to tell that I have lost weight but the scale knows :) and I know. I am surprised at how motivated I am right now. I pray that this doesn't go away because I have lived this way for far too long and I am not willing to do it anymore. I pray to Allah for success. Okay, off to eat dinner and prepare for another workout. Du'as please.

I am amazed at the blase atmosphere that is surrounding the protests in Libya. With the Tunisians and the Egyptians you could feel the electricity, almost as if you were there, protesting alongside the people. Especially for me with the situation in Egypt. I assume it is because my sister and her children are there and so there is a personal connection but I would like to think that it is because of the fact that I care about what happens to fellow human beings, fellow Muslims. I notice that even on Facebook, there is a difference. Before Mubarak stepped down, you couldn't open Facebook without seeing a reminder about what is going on over there. But things are calming down now for them, I guess, and other countries in the region are inspired but what happened there and want the same for themselves. It seems, though, that it won't happen. Where is the support for them? Where are the "We are Libyan, too!" chants? I pray that Allah will allow these people to be able to demand their rights that are entitled to them. We all need to remember the people who are suffering in our du'as.

I'm back! Well, I did my second workout today. I did the Firm Aerobic body shaping workout, which I have to say is getting easier every time I do it. Combined with the Turbo Jam Cardio Party Mix 1 workout I burned around 1650 calories today total. Hopefully those numbers are correct. I am relying on an online calories burned calculator until I can afford to get one of those counters from Walmart or something. Off to bed now. I'll post again tomorrow, inshaAllah. Du'as please. :)

Ouch!

Okay, So I completed my morning workout. Not so sore today, but feeling fatigued. Have to figure out how to eat right and then I think I will not feel so bad during my workouts, because I feel so weak while doing them. I do feel good afterward so I guess that is a positive thing. Du'a please.

Weight loss experiment

I have been over weight all of my life. I am going to change that now. I have lost a total of twenty-seven pounds so far. I will lose another 115 pounds. I will do this by January 1st 2012. Pray for me. InshaAllah.

hoo hum

I am really frustrated with the fact that I am 33 years old and seem to have no direction with my life. I don't even think that I have any skills to be proud of. I have friends and family who are so talented. Taminah the Artist. My Mom the writer. Ayesha, Juwariyah, Raiyanah the Moms. What the heck am I?!