I hate being stuck

I am feeling incredibly lost lately; and very frustrated. I feel like I am stuck in my mind and dying to burst out. This whole thing with trying to lose weight has to be one of the most frustrating things I have ever done in my life. It is such a slow and painful process that I feel like breaking down and crying at any given moment. I try to stay focused on my goals and to be strong. I have been trying to keep my mind off of things by trying different hobbies such as sketching and drawing and also writing. But often I find myself obsessing over the pounds that I haven't lost yet. They say that women have a biological clock that is ticking, ticking away. I never really paid that any mind until recently. I can literally hear the ticking in my ears as each day comes closer to my next birthday. Don't get me wrong; I'm no longer at a point where I have this desperation to get pregnant. I want it, it's just not as desperate as before. However, I feel like I am more and more becoming aware of my age. And not in the way that all of us women are aware of it, but the type of awareness that one gains when you've realized just how much time has been wasted doing nothing. I feel very sad. I just want to get to the point where I can finally feel healthy and happy and not always have to feel heavy and in pain.

On top of the weight loss drama, there is always drama at home. I really don't know why it seems that with each passing year, things get harder in this situation. I am really disappointed in this girl right now. We just caught her in a huge lie and to be honest, I really don't know where to go from here. I feel so much anger toward her mother because this is stuff that we should all be working together to take care of but because she seems to have the mind of a child herself, it's impossible. Why do I always have to be the bad guy? Why do I have to be the disciplinarian? And I do too, because if I didn't do anything about what is going on, it would be dealt with inappropriately and then ignored. I don't get it either. We give her everything that we are able to more than most kids, and she is so unappreciative. I know that all kids do stuff and all families go through stuff, but at this age? It's so frustrating.

Anyway, inshaAllah it will all work out. I just have to remember to trust in God always and turn to Him regarding all of this, and if it is His will, it will be done. Duas please.