Reflection

I recently ended a friendship with someone who, technically, I was pretty close too. Throughout the course of our friendship, it occurred to me, frequently, that it was one that was disjointed; dysfunctional. She leaned on my a lot for support during her divorce. At first, I thought that it was because I was genuinely giving good advice and sharing my limited knowledge of women's rights in Islam. What I knew, I shared and what I didn't know about, I inquired on her behalf. I was her advocate. I realized, with the help of a truly good friend, that in reality "she" was turning to me because of my fierceness. Because, when it came to her ex and others that she was having issues with, I was her defender. I said things to her that she wanted to hear and made her feel validated. Nothing wrong with that, right? I never lied or said anything that I didn't think was correct. But the problem was that it was one sided. And a friendship that is one sided is not a friendship at all. In all the time that I knew her, I kept it real. Yes, I was a fierce defender, but I also didn't agree with her a lot. I spoke my mind. I was blunt. PERIOD. It came to the point that she was offended that I didn't agree with her regarding the way she and her kids treated their step mom. Funny thing in all of this is that as her friend I was supposed to "sympathize with her because she is their mother", but as my friend she couldn't remember that I AM a step mother and have experienced many of the B.S. that her kids step mother was enduring. The least that she could have done was to keep it to herself and confided in someone else about that. But in her opinion, as her champion defender, I was supposed to put my experience and situation aside. I don't think so. She also manifested herself to have a very racist attitude. You know, one of those people who think that because they have a Black friend, they can say racists things? Can't stand that. There were so many other issues, too. Thus ends that chapter of my life. I will not let anyone diminish what I have gone through and the feelings that I have about them. I don't care if it's my situation or not. Right is right. Wrong is wrong. I am not going to condone bad action. I have to honestly say, I do not miss her. That really says a lot.