I am genuinely happy today.

I love speaking to my baby sister Ayesha. We can be talking about absolutely nothing and still stay on the phone for hours talking. I love her and miss her tremendously. I can't wait to be able to get money to go and visit her and the rest of my family. 

My other half sister, B., texted me. It is so weird because I had been planning on texting her myself but kept forgetting to. Here's a little back story: We had a falling out several years ago and have not really spoken since. We have been in contact a little here and there but nothing more. I am thinking that because the anniversary of our father's death was yesterday, we naturally have been thinking more and more about each other lately. I actually think about my entire family so much lately. I think it's because we are all getting older. I really need to get my butt in gear and do what I told myself months ago and start reaching out. 


My weight loss efforts are going pretty well, I am happy to say. I have been stuck for a while but I think I have finally realized what I am doing wrong, diet wise, and am doing my best to get on track with that. Apparently, when working out and dieting you have to EAT MORE in order to get the metabolism to speed up so that the fat burn happens. I had been using a free site called www.loseit.com to track my calories and exercise. I really like the site. I have really learned about calorie counting, tracking workouts and over all accountability. But I just found a much better site called www.myfitnesspal.com. I LOVE this site. It really breaks down everything for you in a way that the other site doesn't and it was from here that I realized that by not replenishing some of the calories that I burned during a workout I am essentially putting my body into starvation mode and slowing down my metabolism. Apparently this is the reason why I have hit the plateau. I am praying that by changing the behavior, this weight will begin to come off again. This journey is really turning into a serious learning experience and I pray that everything I am going through will be all worth it in the end. InshaAllah. Du'as please.

I had a doctors appointment today with my gyno. Overall, it was a pretty good appointment. I am down over 30 pounds since the last time I saw her last year, which made the both of us happy. What is confusing about everything that I am going through is how little knowledge I have about whatever is going on with me. I thought this whole time that my rush to lose weight is so that I can have this fibroid removed so that then I can try to conceive. Well, I brought it up with my doctor and she pretty much said that if I had surgery to remove the fibroid I am essentially saying that I am done with having children because I would have a  scarred uterus and the possibility of more tumors coming back, or they would have to do a hysterectomy. I had to remind her that I don't have children and she said then the last thing I want to do is have the surgery. I asked her then how am I supposed to get pregnant if I don't have it removed and bleed all the time without birth control pills? She said we can make it work. So that gives me hope but not too much. I really have no idea about what I am supposed to be doing right now. 



The only thing I can focus on, is to get more of this weight off because no matter how I end up getting pregnant, I don't want to do so while still so over weight. Which brings me to another issue. I am busting my butt, injuring myself, starving myself (well not starving myself) but serious documenting every freaking calorie that I eat and am getting no where. This is what "they" call hitting a plateau. I don't like this plateau. It sucks! Apparently, not only do I need to add weights to my routine, but I also need to eat more food. Imagine that! Eat more food to lose weight. I guess I have been causing my metabolism to slow down from not consuming enough calories and in order to speed it up, I have to replenish the calories I lose from working out. o_O. Well, I will give this a try this week and see how it works out.