Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Update: March 29th, 2011
We went walking at Udall Park tonight. The little one's came too. Alhamdulillah, the weather was very nice and the atmosphere was great. There were so many people out tonight. I have no idea why that is so important to me. I just feel alive and I feel happy seeing so many people out and about. I pushed myself pretty hard to walk at a fast pace and to do the four laps (almost 3 miles) around that we made our goal. It was painful after last nights workout but I did it, Alhamdulillah. My goal is to still be able to start running soon. I really should be at that point already but I got off track when we stopped walking around Mahmoud's job parking lot. I think we just got bored with doing that but I am grateful to have a friend like BG who is motivating me to walk with her. InshaAllah we continue with this and begin to see progress soon. I do know that I am making progress, but I am beginning to get impatient and like a typical impatient human being I want what I want now. I need to constantly remind myself that everything is according to Allah's plan and not my own and the best I can do is try hard and make dua. Du'as please.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Update March 28th, 2011
Today was a good workout day, Alhamdulillah! I went walking with BG and MacAttack and we did almost 2 miles. The new track that we are walking at is at Udall park and rather than being a straight 3 miles like at Reid Park, we have to walk around several times to match that. I really love walking at that park because of the scenery and the activity there which I love to see, so that is an advantage to changing parks. Also, it is closer to our area of town, so we don't have to travel so far just to get a walk in. The disadvantage is that it is easier to get out of walking the full 3 miles like we were able to at Reid Park. See, with Reid Park, there was no option, once we started walking we HAD to complete it to get back to the car, no excuses or short cuts. This park, the car is in full view and it is easy to say "I am tired, lets stop". We gotta definitely work to keep up the motivation here. So we've been pretty much doing the walking about 3 to 4 times a week. Also, I did the Ultimate Cardio workout from the firm two days ago and just finished Turbo Jam Cardio Party 1 today. I am so determined to get this stomach down. I hate seeing it when I look down. I look pregnant and I don't want to look pregnant unless I am pregnant. Anyway, that's my update. Be back soon, inshaAllah. Du'as please. :)
Thursday, March 24, 2011
I initially started this blog to share my experiences living in this Tucson desert as a stepmother and wife. I have, for some reason, been very reluctant to start this but I am planning on doing so soon. But to start off, let me describe my situation.
I am a 33 year old woman. I was born in Philadelphia, PA to Asim and Yasmin Abdullah. My father was brutally murdered when I was just 5 years old. This is a loss that no matter how old I get, I never seem to get over. My parents were divorced and my mother remarried at the time of my father's death so I never went through the whole "You're replacing my dad, I hate you, you're not my father phase". At least I don't think I did. I really don't remember my childhood. I think that it is because of my father's death and the brutality that I endured during my childhood. Whenever someone says something like, "I remember when I was five...", I always assume that they are exaggerating and can't possibly remember that far back. I think that they are simply having memories based on stories that older family members retell. But so many people do it, so I think it really is something about me.
We moved around a lot when I was a child. From Philly to Phoenix to Houston to Philly to Williamsport to Avondale by the age of 11 where I stayed until I graduated high school. In my childhood, my mother divorced and remarried and divorced again. They were both not very nice men. Some would even call them evil. I also had several "step mothers" due to the fact that my mother was in polygany (polygamy) and her second husband had 3 wives at one time at one point. One of them was very mean to my Mom's children, along with their husband. Because of the way I was treated as a kid, I knew that I would never treat a child in a bad way, ever, if I even decided to have any. I never even considered that I would have step kids and if I did, I knew that I would never have the type of situation that my mother and her children endured. Never did I imagine just how hard living the life that I choose would be. It really is true to that some things are easier said than done.
I am a 33 year old woman. I was born in Philadelphia, PA to Asim and Yasmin Abdullah. My father was brutally murdered when I was just 5 years old. This is a loss that no matter how old I get, I never seem to get over. My parents were divorced and my mother remarried at the time of my father's death so I never went through the whole "You're replacing my dad, I hate you, you're not my father phase". At least I don't think I did. I really don't remember my childhood. I think that it is because of my father's death and the brutality that I endured during my childhood. Whenever someone says something like, "I remember when I was five...", I always assume that they are exaggerating and can't possibly remember that far back. I think that they are simply having memories based on stories that older family members retell. But so many people do it, so I think it really is something about me.
We moved around a lot when I was a child. From Philly to Phoenix to Houston to Philly to Williamsport to Avondale by the age of 11 where I stayed until I graduated high school. In my childhood, my mother divorced and remarried and divorced again. They were both not very nice men. Some would even call them evil. I also had several "step mothers" due to the fact that my mother was in polygany (polygamy) and her second husband had 3 wives at one time at one point. One of them was very mean to my Mom's children, along with their husband. Because of the way I was treated as a kid, I knew that I would never treat a child in a bad way, ever, if I even decided to have any. I never even considered that I would have step kids and if I did, I knew that I would never have the type of situation that my mother and her children endured. Never did I imagine just how hard living the life that I choose would be. It really is true to that some things are easier said than done.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
WTF
So, apparently the last time I shared my thoughts was on March 7th. I really don't have any excuses as to why that is but I am back and ready.
To be honest, I really don't know what is going on with me. It really is the same old story: I have absolutely no motivation to do anything at all. Cleaning, working out, blogging, you name it, I don't do it. I have a pretty boring life, so it is not like I am super busy or something. I really should have an immaculate home and I really should have lost a good amount of weight by this point with all the time I have but nope. I sleep, and play Facebook games all day. Oh and I just started watching the stupid soaps again. Hell, I should have completed reading the Quran, in Arabic, several times over already! So what the heck is going on?! Am I depressed? I don't want to think that I am but I really need to face the facts and admit that it is possible. I know one thing for sure though. I am so lonely. Yes, I have my husband and stepdaughter, but I think that right now, they are not enough for me. I really want to be around my Mom and siblings. I miss them so much. I know I need to visit them but I am scared of flying, 1) for the obvious reasons like the plane may fall from the sky and the fear of heights thing and 2.) because I am a Muslim woman and there is just too damn much profiling going on right now and I don't know how I will handle being without my husband if something were to happen. Hopefully, I can figure something out soon, cause I am going nuts without my family.
On a good note, while I haven't been very consistent with doing my at home workouts, I have been going walking with BG. It is getting much easier and the hubby has even started to come along which is awesome because I feel much safer out there at night when he is with us.(SN: I find it hilarious that I don't like being anywhere without my husband so that he can protect me if something were to happen, but when it seems like something is going down I get scared that he will do something. A topic to explore another time I guess).
My goal for the next two weeks is to be more consistent with my at home workouts and still keep my commitment with walking with BG. I plan to workout everyday but Sunday for the next fourteen days at home at a reasonable time and to still go for the 3 mile walk at the park. And also to be more consistent with writing about it because I notice that when I share what I am doing, I am more motivated to keep it up. So inshaAllah, we shall see. Duas please. :)
To be honest, I really don't know what is going on with me. It really is the same old story: I have absolutely no motivation to do anything at all. Cleaning, working out, blogging, you name it, I don't do it. I have a pretty boring life, so it is not like I am super busy or something. I really should have an immaculate home and I really should have lost a good amount of weight by this point with all the time I have but nope. I sleep, and play Facebook games all day. Oh and I just started watching the stupid soaps again. Hell, I should have completed reading the Quran, in Arabic, several times over already! So what the heck is going on?! Am I depressed? I don't want to think that I am but I really need to face the facts and admit that it is possible. I know one thing for sure though. I am so lonely. Yes, I have my husband and stepdaughter, but I think that right now, they are not enough for me. I really want to be around my Mom and siblings. I miss them so much. I know I need to visit them but I am scared of flying, 1) for the obvious reasons like the plane may fall from the sky and the fear of heights thing and 2.) because I am a Muslim woman and there is just too damn much profiling going on right now and I don't know how I will handle being without my husband if something were to happen. Hopefully, I can figure something out soon, cause I am going nuts without my family.
On a good note, while I haven't been very consistent with doing my at home workouts, I have been going walking with BG. It is getting much easier and the hubby has even started to come along which is awesome because I feel much safer out there at night when he is with us.(SN: I find it hilarious that I don't like being anywhere without my husband so that he can protect me if something were to happen, but when it seems like something is going down I get scared that he will do something. A topic to explore another time I guess).
My goal for the next two weeks is to be more consistent with my at home workouts and still keep my commitment with walking with BG. I plan to workout everyday but Sunday for the next fourteen days at home at a reasonable time and to still go for the 3 mile walk at the park. And also to be more consistent with writing about it because I notice that when I share what I am doing, I am more motivated to keep it up. So inshaAllah, we shall see. Duas please. :)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Update 03/07/11
I did pretty good yesterday, if I do say so myself. I worked out at reasonable times rather than in the wee hours of the morning. Although, why I am up right now writing this still escapes reason for me. I did the Ultimate Calorie Blast from the The Firm at about 8:30 am. I really felt like total crap during the entire workout, but I pushed through it and completed about 90 percent of the total workout. In the evening, Hubby and I went with "Big G" to Reid park and walked for about an hour and half. According to the step counter thingy, we walked over seven thousand steps. I used a counter and Hubby used one and they were different by about 100 steps but both indicated over seven thousand so I was ecstatic. According to what I have found, walking about 2000 steps equals walking approximately one mile, so we walked over 3 miles! That is so awesome for me. And to top it off, I really felt good during the walk. I don't know if it is because of the company of "Big G" and our conversation, but I really didn't feel like I was doing some sort of chore like I sometimes feel when I am working out here at home. I used to love the idea of only working out in the house and would never consider that I would feel comfortable leaving the house in order to exercise, but now that I have I think my position will change. But never alone though. If I workout outside, I definitely have to have some company.
Change of topic: I really love my husband. So much. He surprised me with a gift yesterday. He never really does that because we are always so strapped for extra money and because I tend to be hard to buy for, so when he gave me the gift I was so excited and surprised. It was one of the lotion/spray perfume sets and it smells so good. He really did a good job and I am happy to realize that after almost 11 years of marriage this dude is really starting to figure me out. :)
Okay, that's all for now. I hope to be back again to soon for more updates and ramblings. In the meantime, Du'as (prayers) please.
Change of topic: I really love my husband. So much. He surprised me with a gift yesterday. He never really does that because we are always so strapped for extra money and because I tend to be hard to buy for, so when he gave me the gift I was so excited and surprised. It was one of the lotion/spray perfume sets and it smells so good. He really did a good job and I am happy to realize that after almost 11 years of marriage this dude is really starting to figure me out. :)
Okay, that's all for now. I hope to be back again to soon for more updates and ramblings. In the meantime, Du'as (prayers) please.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I worked out last night, really in the early morning around midnight. I can't seem to get the motivation in me to workout during the daylight hours. I have no idea why. In fact, I am getting ready to do my workout again right now and it is going on 11 pm.
I am so frustrated with myself right now. I am now a terribly busy person. I do not have a house full of children. I do not have a job. I don't have an active social life. So why is it that I can't find the time to thoroughly clean my home (it's not filthy though, so don't get any ideas about that), or workout at reasonable hours, or even work consistently enough with livework of ChaCha in order to get a decent paycheck? This is getting ridiculous! The problem is I do not know how to change it at all. OK, now that I have vented, I am off to do my late night workout and try to go to bed. Peace out all, and du'as please.
I am so frustrated with myself right now. I am now a terribly busy person. I do not have a house full of children. I do not have a job. I don't have an active social life. So why is it that I can't find the time to thoroughly clean my home (it's not filthy though, so don't get any ideas about that), or workout at reasonable hours, or even work consistently enough with livework of ChaCha in order to get a decent paycheck? This is getting ridiculous! The problem is I do not know how to change it at all. OK, now that I have vented, I am off to do my late night workout and try to go to bed. Peace out all, and du'as please.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)